


His Secret

by LadyChef



Category: Skyfall (2012) - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Emotional, Love, M/M, hurt comfort.
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-27
Updated: 2013-05-31
Packaged: 2017-12-13 02:42:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 11,652
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/819015
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyChef/pseuds/LadyChef
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>James is keeping a major secret from Q, when Q finds out will it cause them to break off their love or will it bring them closer.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

His Secret

 

James barely escaped that time, he was flat against a wall breathing hard, and he was thinking he shouldn’t feel this weak but he did. Q was in his ear telling him he had an exit that lead to a car waiting for him. He got up, taking a deep breath and ran between the buildings to the car, escaping a few more shots, he slid into the car just as four men came after him, he escaped barely this time.

A week later he was back in London, Q was still at work, so James undressed and checked his wounds and found nothing bad, mostly scratches and bruises, he undressed and went into the bathroom to have a shower. He was standing under the hot spray, he tried to summon some energy but he just couldn’t.

Hearing the door open he turns and sees Q naked and getting into the shower with him, he masked his face instantly to not show any weakness. He smiled at Q as he slid his arms around James neck.

They kissed and Q cleaned him up as he checked James’s wounds.

“I knew you had landed and would come here so I left work early for you, I wanted to be with you.” Q smiled and kissed him, James kissed his lips and neck. Q was doing his best to further the kisses but James just wasn’t into it.

Q leaned back and looked at him closely, because James usually was more amorous but this time he seemed reluctant.

“James, are you alright, are you not well?” Q was touching his face.

“No, I just feel really tired Dex.” James turned off the water and exited the shower grabbing a towel as he left the bathroom. Q was standing there watching him and wondering what was going on. He followed James and also grabs a towel from the rack and begins drying off. Q noticed that James was already in bed and it puzzled him.

He dried off and put the towel in the hamper with James’s then slid into the bed with him, James wasn’t facing him so Q slid in and spooned him. He heard James hum when Q wrapped an arm around him. Q kissed the back of his neck and shoulders; then fell asleep.

When Q woke he found himself alone in their bed, he got up and padded around the flat looking for James, since it was their day off, he found James in the restroom, Q stayed in the hall curious as to what he was doing, he didn’t lead on that he was there watching him; he saw that the door was open and James was standing in front of the mirror, he had a look on his face and to Q it looked as if he was going to cry and it puzzled him so he decided to join his lover.

He came up to James and slid his arms around him; James instantly masked his face and smiles. He places his hands on Q’s.

“James you left our bed without waking me, are you alright?”

James turned and kissed him, “you looked so peaceful, I didn’t want to disturb you.” James smiled but to Q he looked tense, so Q leaned up and kissed him again, deepening it as his hands move over the muscles of his stomach. Q took a chance and slid his hand back down to rub it over James boxer briefs so he could feel his cock, but James moved away and mumbled he wasn’t in the mood. Q stood there in shock and was a little hurt but he didn’t want to push it.

When he followed James into the bedroom he found him getting dressed, so he stood there and watched him.

“James, is something wrong, did I upset you or something?” Q was a little worried about him. James pulled on a shirt and began to button it and looked at him.

“Dex, nothing is wrong I just, I just don’t want to alright!” He walked past Q and headed over to the door grabbing his keys and wallet and left the flat. Q just stood there in shock, tears pricked at his eyes but he wouldn’t let them fall, instead he went to the kitchen to fix some tea.

James got to the small park down the street when he stopped and sat down on a bench. He knew he had hurt Q but he wasn’t ready yet to talk to him about his problem. He thought about the appointment he had been at before his last mission, He had been feeling tired and weak, he had a few night sweats while on the mission, he wasn’t feeling right so he went to a doctor in Paris and what he learned he never wanted to hear again.

The doctor told him he had Chronic lymphocytic Leukemia, it had taken a week to diagnose him after going through more tests than he ever wanted to do in his life. He rubbed a hand over his face and wondered how he was going to tell Q.

He sat there for an hour; he didn’t know what to do. His mobile went off and he pulled it from his pocket and saw it was Q but he didn’t answer it, placing it back in his pocket he got up and went down the block to the nearest book store.

He bought a book about Leukemia and was reading it with some coffee, he deduced that he really didn’t have a chance of surviving this, the doctor having told him that his was advanced and he needed to start treatment soon but James just thanked him, paid the bill and left.

James knew he had to find a new doctor and at least make an attempt at surviving. James headed to the nearest hospital and looked over the list of Oncologists and just picked one.

He went to the doctor’s floor and asked to make an appointment with the receptionist. She was pleasant older lady and took down all of James’s alias information and his fake id. She gave him a small card with his appointment date; James thanks her and walks out of the hospital and into a sunny day in London.

Q sat at home worried, he couldn’t relax because James didn’t answer his mobile and it’s been hours since he left the flat. Q couldn’t figure out what was wrong, did James not want him anymore. Q got up and went to the bedroom and removed his shirt and his sweats and stood there in front of the mirror in his boxer briefs, he got emotional looking at his slender frame, and his collarbone was prominent as were his hips. He was thinking that maybe he should eat more or work out like James did. He didn’t have the ripped ab muscles of James, and his hair was always in his eyes, he started getting dressed when he saw James in the doorway, Q tried to hide the tears in his eyes by turning away from James, when he turned back around after pulling up his sweats James wasn’t there. Picking up his t-shirt he sat on the bed and sighed. He put his shirt on and left the bedroom, he found James sitting on the sofa watching the news. He wanted to join him but he hesitated, James looked over at him but didn’t say anything then turned back to the news.

Q bit his lip to hide his emotions and went to the table and got on his laptop, he started going over codes and emails from work. James sat there brimming with the urge to tell him what was going on but he couldn’t, he just couldn’t do it.

They went that way for weeks. James managed his appointments with the doctors and his work with MI6, he had talked to M and told him that he wanted less assignments abroad, told M he was feeling his age a little. M approved it but he wasn’t sure if he believed James.

Q was starting to think James was seeing someone else because their sex life was almost non-existent and Q was becoming more and more scared he was going to lose James.

Q came home to James making dinner and decided now was the time to confront him.

“James, I need to speak to you!” He called out to him as he put his satchel on the table. James walked out wiping his hands on a dishcloth.

“James, what is going on, are you seeing someone else?” Q stood there with his arms crossed over his chest. James looked at him as he leaned against the door frame.

“No, Dex I am not seeing anyone else, why do you ask?” James looked him right in the eyes but you couldn’t tell anything was going with him, Q noticed he had his mask on.

“Well, let’s see James, you barely speak to me, you changed your travel status at work and you barely touch me anymore!” Q was bristling with anger and emotions. James hadn’t moved either, but he looked rather bored.

James took a deep breath, he had known this was coming, but he still hadn’t felt he could tell Q about the cancer, He knew that Q would begin questioning him.

“Dex, I am not seeing anyone, I love you and would not cheat on you ever and this is starting to bore me.” He turned and went back into the kitchen to finish making the lasagna he had started.

Q was beyond livid, James was dismissing him and his feelings, and he was so angry he grabbed a dish from the table and broke it. James came out of kitchen with his eyes wide.

“Bloody hell Dex what is wrong with you?” He bent to pick up the pieces off of the hardwood floor and looked up at Q. All Q wanted to do was scream.

“Wrong with me, you must be fucking joking James, nothing is wrong with me, it’s you, you show no interest in me anymore, I use to have to fight you off of me now I can barely get you touch me.” Q had begun to cry and it only made him madder. “You won’t even shag me, am I so awful, so ugly and skinny. Have you lost interest in me?”

James cleaned up the debris then turned to him and in his calmest voice spoke to Q.

“Dex, just relax, nothing is going on, I am just dealing with something right now…” James mobile rang and he turned away from Q and softly talked to the person on the other end of the line.

“I cannot talk now, yes tomorrow, thank you” He shut his phone just as Q got closer. He looked at Q with his damp eyes and sad look on his face.

“Who was that James?” Q was speaking softly now. James just stood there.

“No one Dex, nothing important,” James put his mobile back in his pocket and that’s when Q really lost it.

“You are a liar!” Q turned and grabbed his coat and satchel and headed to the door as he opened it he turned and looked at James, sadness on his face, then turns and leaves.

 

James looked at the door for a long time till he smelled something burning; he saved the lasagna but didn’t want to eat it anymore. He sat at the table and closed his eyes, thinking to himself that he has made a real shit of everything.

 

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

 

Q finally returned to their flat after 3 hours of wandering and going to a small café to think. He went over everything that had been going on and still couldn’t understand what was happening between them.

Once inside the flat he reset the alarms and locked the door, he placed his coat on the peg and noticed only one lamp was lit, he turned it off and went to the bedroom and found James asleep already.

He got his pajama bottoms and put them on, then went and brushed his teeth and washed his face.  When he returned to their bedroom he found James sitting up and awake and looking at him with sad eyes.

“Dex we need to talk and this is probably the best time.” He moved so Q could sit right in front of him. Q became nervous as he sat down, he wasn’t sure what was going to happen, was James going to leave him, and was he going to tell him that it isn’t working out between them.

James took both of his hands in his own caressing them; James thought Q had such elegant hands unlike his that were scarred and rough. James took a deep breath and lifted his eyes to Q’s.

“Dex, after Prague I was feeling weak and hurting for no real reason, and I began to lose my appetite, so I went for that week I was off the com to Paris and using one of my alias’s I was tested and the doctor found out that I have Leukemia, to be specific Chronic Lymphocytic Leukemia, and that its progressed pretty far, I always thought my sweating at night was from being hot or that you had turned up the heat, but it’s not and it causes my body to produce too many white blood cells.

Q started crying, tears fell from his eye and he launched himself against James chest hugging him, he held onto James tightly his body shaking as he sobbed out. James let him vent, just as he had in the hotel room in Paris, but he had to be strong now for Q who he knew would take it badly. Q pulled back and looked at him.

“Can we fix this James; can we heal you with treatments?” Q was touching his face now, as James wiped away his tears and kissed him softly.

“I will be beginning chemotherapy this next week which means I will have to retire from MI6, I’m sure M will not like this at all.” He tried to smile some but it wasn’t a big smile. Q took a deep breath and spoke softly.

“James, I am going to be with you through all of this, I will take a leave from work, and be with you for each appointment and therapy session.” Q was being adamant now and James did his best to sway him but he couldn’t, so he relented.

“James I can still be in contact by mobile and my laptop but you will need tending and I will not let a stranger do it when I am perfectly capable, now no more arguments.” James held up his hands in surrender which caused Q to laugh. James laid back in the bed and pulled Q down with him and started kissing him, just lips at first, slowly and softly as if testing the waters, it was Q who deepened the kiss, he was rubbing himself against James and whimpering, it had been a while since they made love and Q wanted it now more than ever because he knew James would be too weak and ill from the chemo to want him.

James pulled Q down to the bed and under him as the kisses turned more ardent and deep. James reached under him and tugged down Q’s bottoms, freeing his now hard cock, and then James removed his own.

Q was getting more and more excited, digging his nails into James back and shoulders. James began moving his lips down Q’s neck and chest, taking bites and leaving marks, Q was mewling James name as he writhed. James nuzzled against Q’s hard cock, the hair surrounding it brushing against his cheek and nose. He breathed Q in as his hand grasps the now hard cock and stroked.

Q was practically begging now, when James began sliding his tongue around his cock and up to the crown suckling on it.  Q looked down at James, smiling at the picture he made, his eyes were bright and he smiled at Q when he slid his mouth down his cock, then back up swirling his tongue around the head. Q fell back onto the bed moaning loudly.

James told him to get the lube but he had to do it twice as Q was beyond words right now. James sat up and took it from his hand smiling. James slicked up his hand and his cock then tossed the bottle aside. He pushed Q’s legs back exposing him to James eyes.

“So beautiful Dex, you are so lovely when you are debauched.” James winked at him as he slowly filled him with a finger. Q sat up and growled at James.

“Fuck me now you tease!” Q’s eyes were glazed and his cheeks blushed. James thought he looked amazing, so he slid in another finger, thrusting them in and out and up against that special spot of nerves, causing Q to fall back again, whining and moaning.

James added one more finger and Q groaned and bucked against his hand. James leaned down and sucked on his balls and it was then that Q couldn’t stand it anymore.

“James please.. please.. love me, fill me I need you.” James relented and pulled his hand free and using one of the baby wipes they keep by the bed he cleaned his hand, then moved between Q’s thighs and positioned his cock right at his entrance and slowly pushed his way in. Q reached up and took ahold of his arms pulling him down as he filled him deeply. They kissed wet fervid kisses.

James drove himself slowly into his body moaning himself as Q was still so hot and tight. He thrusts harder and harder, James leaning on his elbows so he wouldn’t crush him with his weight. They looked into each other’s eyes, forehead to forehead, James still moving deep inside him, James told him softly that he loved him and always would; Q said the same as they breathed the same air, filling the space between them with their love.

“You are so much my love and breath James.” Q felt tears fall from his eyes and James kiss them away. Q bucked up against James, so he lifted up on his hands and thrusts harder and harder. Q’s back arched his head thrown back as he cried out his orgasm; he was so aroused James didn’t even have to touch his cock to have him come. Watching his love release sent James over the edge and he thrusts one last time, his muscles taut his head thrown back he came hard into Q’s body. Shuddering he fell partially upon Q, nuzzling his face against his neck. Q wrapped himself around James and held onto him as if for dear life.

They both at the same time began saying they love each other and that they would make it through this. James leaned up and looked down into Q’s face, touching it gently as if memorizing it. Q leaned into his touch giving him his best smile.

James gently moved out of Q and laid back into the bed. Q got up and straddled his lap and smiled down at him. Q’s hair was a mess and his lips red from bruising kisses, James knew then he was the most beautiful person he had ever seen. Q could see that James was exhausted so he got up and went to the restroom and dampened a cloth with warm water and came back and cleaned his cock and fingers again. Then James took the cloth and cleaned Q up as well, tossing it in the hamper, he gathered Q up into his arms kissing his forehead. They fell asleep, Q clinging to James, Q knew that he was asleep but he couldn’t fall asleep yet, James’s confession was filling his head, he decided in the morning that he would find out all he could about what was wrong with James, he kissed James chest and smiled when James hummed in his sleep, so he snuggled even closer and was rewarded with James tightening his hold on him. With a smile Q fell asleep. 


	3. Chapter 3

 

James walked into MI6 the next day and made his way up to M’s office. He sat on the edge of Eve’s desk and smiled at her.

“James, what a surprise, I thought you had a few days off, why are you here?” She stood up and gave his cheek a kiss. He smiled at her and was doing his best to hide his fatigue.

“I need to see the old man is he in? “  Eve dialed his office and smiled and nodded, she buzzed James in. James got up and went to the door and winked at Eve before entering.

M stood up and went to James once he was inside. They shook hands and M offered James a seat. Q was down in Q branch setting up R to take over while he was on leave. M leaned on his desk with his arms crossed as James sat down.

“What is going on James, not often I get a surprise visit?” M’s piercing eyes looked closely at James and he noticed some things.

“M, I need to retire, I went to a doctor in Paris and have been diagnosed with Leukemia,” James was glad this was the last time he would have to say that sentence but he wasn’t expecting Eve to hear it that way as they both heard a gasp from her. She had been coming in to drop off some paperwork that Q had sent up. She dropped the folder and covered her mouth. James instantly got up and went to her and folded her in his arms.

He helped her to a seat; M was still standing there a stunned look on his face.

“James I don’t know what to say, I will hate to lose such a brilliant agent.” He put his hand on his shoulder once James had Eve in a seat. James smiled at him as he went to get Eve some water.

“James, have you begun treatment?” Eve looked at him with watery brown eyes. He touched her cheek then looked to the door when it opened, Q walked in then.

M gave Eve the water, and then looked at Q as well. Q handed M a set of papers that explained his leave of absence, M looked at the papers then to Q.

“Bloody hell I’m losing both of you? “ M was stunned Eve was still quiet. M slammed the papers on the desk, Q got angry.

“You expect me to let James go through this alone sir, He is my partner and my love, he is not going to be alone and go through this therapy, he needs me.” Q took James hand in his own and he smiled at him, James returned that smile then looked back at M who was pacing now.

“Q you are needed here and you know that, I’m sorry James but Q is vital to our operations.” He was piercing Q with a look then and Q returned that look.

“Don’t you dare tell me I cannot be with James while he goes through this, I will leave permanently, now R is capable of handling things, I will be on my laptop and my mobile if I am needed and perhaps on days when James isn’t doing chemo I will come to work but not during.” Q stood his ground, James thought they looked like two bulls about to charge each other, and he loved it. His little boffin fighting the boss for him, if he felt good later Q was definitely getting laid.

M was pissed but he couldn’t argue it, as it would make him seem uncaring about James condition. Eve piped up then as she stood up.

“I will keep everything between R and Q in motion if he is needed, everything will be fine sir. We have to help James, and you need to realize how much damage Q could do if you deny him, let’s be serious about this now.

M stopped hearing that and looked at Q who had a smug look on his face. He closed his eyes and let out a breath.

“Fine, Q will be more or less working from home, and R will be in charge of the branch. Is everyone happy now?” M huffed out that last part. James approached him and put a hand on his shoulder. I didn’t fight him over it, so it’s best if you don’t either.” James and M both smile then turned and looked at Q who had a brow raised and that damn smug look on his face.

M just sighs and shakes both their hands and tells them both to keep him updated on James condition. Eve gives them both a kiss on the cheek and watches them leave M’s office.

James waited down in Q branch while Q talked to R about certain things, a new intern saw James and didn’t know who he was so he walked right up to him and asked him. The intern didn’t know he was Q’s man or that he was even a double o. James gave him a look but the intern ignored it, he was overly curious of James. Q was involved with R and didn’t notice what was going on.

“My name is Evan, I work ballistics and you are?” He stood in front of James smiling. James looked him over slowly like he would a mark to make them feel as if they were wanted, then spoke in his soft posh accent to flirt with him and to make him feel important.

“I am James, you are Evan yes, good name.” James smiled, he loved teasing interns.

“What brings you to Q branch are you new here, perhaps a new double O agent. Maybe you would like to go have a drink?” Evan was very bold and quite clueless.

James laughed softly, and looked over at Q then back at Evan.

“Don’t you think it’s wrong to hit on fellow employees while your boss is here?” James nodded at Q and Evan looked at him then back to James.

“What Q, I’m not doing anything wrong, it’s not like you two are dating, I mean who would date him, look at him, glasses and that hair and he is so skinny and you, you are gorgeous and so muscled.” James was getting angry now at what he was hearing so he stood up and towered over the Evan.

“I am dating him, in fact he is my partner and I would die for him, perhaps you didn’t hear me when I said my name, its James Bond or perhaps you would prefer to call me 007, and I happen to find Q quite attractive. Now how about you go back to work before I kill you for Queen and country, and will probably be given a lordship for it.” James turned Evan and pushed him away from him and it was then that Q had turned around to look at James and raised a brow at him as he approached.

“Want to tell me what is going on 007?” He took Q’s hand in his and lifted it kissing the back of it.

“No need Q, are you ready to leave, we need to go to my doctor and set up the schedule for the chemo.” James didn’t let go of his hand even when Q frowned hearing that word again.

“Yes, let me get my bag and coat.” He squeezed James hand then headed to his office, it was then he heard the programmer Lucy inform Evan he was insane for hitting on 007, and that he was lucky Q didn’t hear you. Q smiled as he exited his office locking it, he had his satchel slung over his torso and his coat on his arm. He smiled at Lucy as he walked over to James and they left. Q decided later when James was resting that he would ruin Evan’s credit rating.

After seeing the doctor and Q drilling him for information and questioning his treatments until James stopped him, they went to a favorite restaurant of theirs; it was the one they went to on their first date together. James wasn’t really hungry but he ate some fish and rice, while Q ordered a steak and potatoes. They talked for an hour about what was going to happen and how they would handle it and if it got too be too much for Q they would hire a nurse. Q began to argue that it would never be too much but James was adamant about it so Q relented.

Once they were home, James got Q up against the wall and began kissing him deeply, one hand on his shoulder holding him to the wall the other undoing his belt. Q was whimpering especially when James tightened his grip on him. breaking the kiss; James moved his hand to Q’s neck and squeezed lightly at first, when Q didn’t protest he squeezed a little harder. Q moaned, so James felt compelled to place his free hand on Q’s bulge and squeezed there also. Q’s whole body reacted and he pushed against the squeeze. James growled and picked him up and carried him over his shoulder to the bed, tossing him on it.

Q bounced and looked at him, he was breathing hard and his eyes were full of want. James was feeling very good right now and he wanted to show Q he still had it.

He took off his tie and walked to Q and roughly removed his cardigan and his shirt, tossing him around while he got him undressed. Q was moaning and loving it, he loved it when James got rough. He tied up Q’s hands to one of the bed posts. He skimmed his hands over his lithe form, he loved Q’s body it was perfect. He grinned wickedly and pushed Q over to his stomach and slapped his ass hard. Q cried out but arched his back pushing his ass back for more. So James hit his ass again, leaving red hand marks. Q was moaning, and egging him on.

James left the bed leaving a whimpering and begging Q on it tugging on the tie, testing it but James had been in the navy, there was no way Q was getting out of that knot. James came back with a new oil he had picked up that heated when blown on.

James also removed is clothing but kept his belt with him, and walked back to Q.

“Want some attention my love?” He spanked Q with the belt and got exactly what he wanted, Q whining and yelping, he rubbed his cock against the duvet needing the friction. James got behind Q and spread his legs wide and pours some of the lube onto his tight ring then blew on it causing Q to moan out loudly.

“Jaaaaaames, kings love that is soo good!” James knelt down and laved his tongue over his hole then blew on it again; Q was writhing and pushing his ass up into the air.

“Look at you begging for it, put that ass in the air for me.” James smacked it again hard. He pushed Q down onto the bed and James straddled his back gripping his hair and tugging up his head.

“Beg me Dex, beg me to fuck you!” James smacked his ass again then gripped his jaw. Q looked him right in the eyes and moaned to him.

“Please James, please, fuck me hard, I want to feel you for days.” Q’s lush lips were parted and he was breathing hard, still rutting against the duvet to pleasure his cock.

His words set James off, he grabbed the lube and covered his cock and moved down, he wouldn’t prepare Q this time, and he wanted Q to know he wasn’t weak yet, that he was still in command. He pushed Q’s legs together then spread his ass cheeks wide. He blew on his hole again and Q cried out in pleasure. James placed the head of his cock against his tight hole and pushed in all at once. Q gave out a guttural loud moan that filled the room as did James.

“Christ’s sake Dex, you feel so good and hot!” He was thrusting into his body and Q was bucking his ass back to meet them.

“Shut the fuck up James and fuck me harder!” Q growled it out at James who was never one to argue when it came to what Q wanted in the bedroom.

“Yes you beautiful slut!” James drove himself into Q, the sounds flesh slapping together fueled him on, as did Q’s begging. He gripped each of his hips and fucked him hard. He watched Q’s body take his hard cock and he thought it looked amazing.

Q’s moans were long and expressive. “Nngh James, more more, fuck me harder, make me feel it!” James smiled hearing him.

“As you wish my Quartermaster,” James leaned on his hands over Q’s body and began to thrust harder and harder. James felt his urge to cum start, so he leans up and pulls Q up with him pressing his back against his chest and bites his shoulder and neck and begins to stroke his coke. He was still fucking hard, their bodies smacking loudly against each other, the sweat shining on their skin. James whispers in his ear.

“Cum Dex, you hot slut, I love fucking your hot tight hole, stretches so good for my cock.” James bites his neck, Q cries out and cums into James hand and the duvet, James lifted his hand to Q’s mouth and slipped his cum covered finger inside, Q sucked on it and that set James off, he fucked into him harder and harder till he came, filling him with his seed. He pushed Q down and rutted atop him till he was empty, then rolled off of onto the bed. Both of them were breathing hard, Q’s ass was red and his shoulder had bite marks. James untied his wrists and laid back upon the bed. James didn’t care that he was completely out of energy; he had wanted Q to know and feel that he was still a man and that this illness hasn’t gotten him yet.

Q rolled over and wrapped himself against James, kissing his neck and chest, whispering that he loved him and that he was amazing.

Q sat up and looked at James, touching his face, tracing his fingers upon his cheeks and lips.

“James did you just tire yourself out to prove something to me?” Q smoothed his hand over James’s chest. James smiled at him as he opened his eyes.

“Yes love I did, I needed you to know I wasn’t so ill yet that I couldn’t fuck you into the mattress, because once I begin chemo I won’t be able to.” James looked sad then and turned his face away. Q put his fingers on James chin and turned his face back.

“James, I don’t love you because you fuck me so well, I love you because you are amazing and beautiful and so good to me.” Q leaned down and kissed him. James returned that kiss, putting his hand on Q’s face.

“I love you Dex, I want to love you a long time, I want to be old with you and I don’t think that will happen now.” James voice got a little rough, so Q laid down and held him, kissing his forehead, James shifted and put his head on Q’s chest, wrapping his muscled arms around his body.

“I’m scared, I’m actually scared.” James held him tighter and Q could swear he could feel James crying. So he made sure he could feel Q there, by touching him and holding him tight, whispering to him that he was and always will be amazing and strong and that no one would ever mean more to him than James would. 


	4. Chapter 4

 

 

The first day of treatment had arrived. The doctors had decided that chemotherapy would be used so that all of the cancer could be targeted. James had the IV administered by a nurse who was gracious and smiling. Q who was sitting next to him had his nose in his laptop reading over everything he could find on the type of Leukemia James had.

The nurse opened the flow and smiled again telling James she would be back. He reached over and touched Q’s cheek so he would look at him. Q did and smiled then leaned over and kissed James softly on the lips. James leaned back in the chair and closed his eyes as Q took his free hand in his own, still reading an article.

A while later James was free of the IV and they took a car home, M had given them a car service to make sure they made the appointments and because Q had nagged him for it. James sat there holding Q’s hand in the car watching the shops of London roll by. Q moved closer and nuzzled James neck.

After a really light dinner, James just wanted to go lay down on the bed. Q opened his lap top and stayed on the couch as to not disturb him. After 30 minutes Q looked up from his laptop after hearing something odd. He got up and went to the bedroom and seeing James wasn’t in the bed that was when he heard him.

He found James vomiting into the toilet, Q instantly got a flannel and dampened it in cold water and placed it against the back of James neck. The doctors had told them this would happen, but he never thought it would be this bad. James face was red and he was breathing hard, his body was shaking with each retch, Q felt like panicking but he remembered this was part of it.

Sweat was beaded on his face; Q ran the flannel all around his face. Q felt tears forming in his eyes but he swallowed the emotion back because he couldn’t be weak when James was like this, he would want to tend Q and that would be wrong, James was the one who needed tending.

James fell back against the side of the tub; he was pale and doing his best to take deep breaths without wanting to retch again. Q got the flannel damp again and pressed it to James forehead. James sighed when he felt that, his voice was hoarse from retching.

“I’m sorry Dex, I was hoping I wouldn’t but I couldn’t help it…” Q stopped him and gave him a kiss on his forehead.

“Stop it James, this is part of it and I’m here to tend you and help make you well.” He helped James stand so he could wash his mouth out and brush his teeth. James leaned on him, once he was done cleaning up he and Q walked to the bed. James got in and Q went to get a large waste bin with a bag in it and placed it next to the bed. He had thought of getting something to help his stomach settle but wasn’t sure if it would mess with the medicine already in him.

Q turned off all the lights and his laptop then rearmed the flat, after locking the doors. He changed into pajama bottoms and a shirt, brushed his teeth then climbed into the bed on the other side, so James could have the bin or at least an easier route to the bathroom, he moved close to James but didn’t want to lay on him, because he thought it would set his stomach off again, he sighed knowing this was going to be a long road.

They went through this for a week, and then James got to rest from treatment. He was feeling a little weak and laid upon the couch watching the telly when Q walked into the room and looked at him.

“Get dressed, we are going for a walk, it’s a beautiful day and we need fresh air.” Q had his hands on his hips but James was ignoring him. Q had to walk over and snag the remote and turn the telly off.

James sat up and looked at him, then tugged the blanket up over his body. Q tugged it away as well, and gave him the I dare you to defy me look.

James let out a sigh and knew it was futile to fight him when he was like this. James got up and went to get dressed as Q waited for him, holding his coat. When James emerged from the bedroom he had on a soft camel colored jumper and these butter soft jeans. He helped him on with his coat and gave him a scarf to wear. It wasn’t extremely cold but there was a wind.

After arming the flat they walked down to the street then walked hand in hand down the sidewalk. James breathed in the fresh air, he looked at Q who had a smug look on his face, and then leaned down and kissed him.

 

They sat down on a bench at the park; it was a beautiful day, so he placed an arm around Q’s shoulder causing Q to snuggle closer. Many people were at the park, families with their children, older couples with their dogs. James felt calm and relaxed and it made him happy, happy he doesn’t live on the edge anymore, flying to other countries and killing or almost getting killed; and he had his Q next to him through all of it. Q touched his cheek to bring him out of his thoughts.

“Would you like a coffee, and a scone?” Q pointed to the café across the street. James nodded yes then got some cash from his pocket and handed it to Q. He kissed James cheek and got up and headed to the café. James closed his eyes and just breathed in the cool air, it relaxed him and made him feel good, he let out a breath and remembered the treatments would start again the coming Monday. He looked over and saw Q coming back carrying the coffee and more than likely tea and some scones. He was so in love with him, and it saddened him that he wouldn’t live to see him grow old, he knew some things about his illness that Q hasn’t been told and he just couldn’t do it. Q was suffering enough, he quickly removed the sad thoughts from his mind and face and smiled as Q got close.

“Looks busy over there, did they get your tea right this time?” James took his coffee and laughed as Q huffed at him.

“I almost went behind the counter to make it myself, he was quite inept, so the manager made my tea and your coffee, and these are fresh scones, still quite hot.” Q opened the bag to let him smell the fresh apple cinnamon scones, the aroma made James smile.

James took one of the scones and placed it near Q’s lips, Q looked him in the eyes as he took a bite of it, there was sugar on his lips so James leaned in and licked his lips then kissed him softly.

“Mmmm very good indeed,” James winked at him as Q chewed the scone and blushed. Q looked up and noticed older gentlemen looking over at him and James, they looked to be a couple. James noticed where Q was staring and looked over and nodded to the men and smiled.

“That is Alfred and Oliver, they have been together for 45 years, they come here on the weekends and watch the children play and have tea, I’ve seen them a few times when I went to get your scones  and my coffee, lovely couple.”

 James raised a hand and waved to them and they waved back with smiles on their faces. James took a bite of scone and grinned as he chewed it. The older men came over slowly as they were both in their late seventies. Oliver spoke first and offered his hand to Q.

“James good to see you and is this your partner Dex?” James nodded yes as Q shook his hand. Q looked at James with wide eyes and was about to say something to him about giving out his real name when James stopped him.

“Trust me Dex, no one would get a word out of them if you catch my drift.” Q realized then that these gentlemen were once MI6.

“Pleased to meet you Sir,” Q shook his hand then offered his hand to Alfred. Alfred lifted his hand though it was shaking so Q took his hand in both of his and shook it.

“Pleased to meet you as well Sir,” Q smiled at them both then stood up and offered his seat. They declined said it was getting a bit too cold for them and was heading home.

“Pleased to meet you Alfred and Oliver, maybe you could come for tea sometime, would love to hear some stories.” Alfred nodded yes as did Oliver who spoke.

“Would love to James, Dex, we will let you know.” They turned and walked off then, and Q could see that Oliver was helping Alfred move along.

James leaned back and put his arm back around Q, but he was watching them go. James told Q their story.

“They met as agents, when MI6 was in the middle of the cold war and they were assigned to some pretty intense espionage. I never asked for specifics, but they told me they fell in love while in Berlin.” James touched Q’s cheek then leaned in for a kiss that Q returned with passion.

“Ready to go home, because I am a bit chilled.” James didn’t want to admit that but he was cold. Q got their cups and the empty bag and threw them into the waste bin nearby. James stood up and reached for Q’s hand, and lifted it to his lips, kissing his knuckles as Q smiled.

When they got home, James was a little stiff so Q helped him remove his coat then hung James then his own on the peg, James walked to the bedroom and removes his jumper and jeans then his shoes and gets into the bed, he hadn’t been cold, he had been exhausted but he didn’t want to admit it, but once they were home all he wanted was to go to bed.

Q sighed as he watched James enter the bedroom, he could see the fatigue on his face but he knew better than to bring it up to James. He followed him and removed his own clothing and got into the bed with him, and was happy to feel strong arms pull him into an embrace and the kiss that followed. 


	5. Chapter 5

 

Q was called into Q branch because of a meltdown of the firewalls and they needed him badly, James kissed him goodbye then shut the door as the car came to pick up Q.

He walked into the bathroom and looked in the mirror; He could see the fatigue from the chemo and the weight loss. He was losing muscle mass also; with a sigh he rested his forehead against the mirror. He would have to tell Q what was going on, that the leukemia was far more advanced than he knew about, and that there wasn’t years of treatment, there was more like months and he knew once he told Q that it would tear him up.

James had never been so scared of anything than he was of hurting Q.  He called his oncologist and got in to see him because of a cancellation, as he sat in the office listening to what was going on and how bad it was.

Dr. Highten looked at James after closing his file.

“James, I know you hate beating around the bush so I am going to be blunt, you are not winning this battle, and I think you should tell your partner.” He was looking right into James’ eyes then, James just let out a sigh.

“Can you at least tell me how much longer I have, or at least an estimate?” James was rubbing his face with his hands.

Dr. Highten looked him right in the eyes. “I estimate about 6 months.”

James left the office in a haze; he wasn’t sure what he was going to do, instead of getting a taxi he just walked for a while, thinking then he stopped in front of a jewelry store and figured it out.

When he got home Q was there on the couch deep into his laptop until he heard keys then he looked up and smiled at James.

“Where have you been love, I’ve been home for an hour.” Q leaned his face up to receive the kiss James was giving him. James sat next to him then moved his laptop aside. Q frowned and looked at him, but before he could ask what was going on James was kneeling on the floor.

“Dex, I love you more than anyone I ever have in my life, and you have saved me in a way I can never repay, and since I cannot live my life without you, I want to make it official. So will you marry me?” James opened the box to show a gold band with a ring of platinum running through it. Q felt the tears fall from his eyes as his hand covered his mouth; he looked at the ring then at James and nodded his head before speaking.

“Yes… Yes, James, I love you yes I will marry you!” He leapt into James arms after he put the ring on his finger. They hugged on the floor and kissed. James didn’t think he had ever smiled so much in his life, and now he could leave all his money and land he owned to Q without problems.

They made love that night, James was real tender with Q and he was all kisses and caresses. Q clung to him all night, waking him up once in a while when he kissed James on the neck. As Q ran his hands over James chest while he slept he could feel that James had lost weight, he looked at his face from the light of the bathroom that they kept on now since James got sick from the chemo. His cheekbones were more prominent than they use to be. He decided tomorrow he would ask him about it.

Q never got a chance to ask him as all James wanted was to get married and soon and then go to the lawyers to set his things in order for Q to inherit. James called M and Eve to meet them at the park on Saturday and if R can be spared for an hour to meet them also.

They both dressed in their best suits, Q was fixing his tie as James was on his mobile with the officiate to have him meet them at the park James had chosen. James also invited Alfred and Oliver, but Oliver had to decline as Alfred was feeling ill, but he did congratulate them and said soon they would come for tea. James thanked him and wished Alfred well.

Q got James a ring the day before, it was solid gold and inscribed in the inside of the ring was 00Q. It had made James laugh and kiss him soundly.

  

The day came of their small wedding, James and Q spoke their vows in front of M and Eve and even R. James spoke lovingly of Q and how much he loved and admired him and that he never wanted to let him go, while Q spoke of his love and appreciation of James and how much he wanted to grow old with him. They kissed once they were announced as married. Everyone clapping, even a few people who walked by. Q could see that James looked exhausted and that he was holding it well but he wanted to get him home so he could rest.

They had a nice lunch at a nearby restaurant, then everyone went back to work, he and James went home. Once there James felt like collapsing, he went to the couch after removing his coat and looked at Q who was still removing his.

“I need to talk to you, and I don’t know how to start.” James took off his suit jacket and laid it over the chair next to the couch. Q sat down next to him and touched his shoulder.

“James, I think I know …” Before Q could finish James cut him off and looked at him, taking his hands in his own.

“Love, I don’t have years to get well, I only have months, six at the most and I wanted you to be taken care of so I fixed my will, you will get everything, since you are my only family.”

Q was livid; he stood up and yelled at him, he began pacing in front of James.

“How could you, how could you do this, you said we had a long time to get you well, that it was caught early, you lied to me!” Q was crying, he went over and leaned against the windows, taking deep breaths to calm his tears.

James went to him and gathered him up in his arms. He had his own tears.

“I wanted to protect you, I am so sorry I hurt you Dex, I wanted so much for it not to be true but when I saw Dr. Highten when you went into to work, he explained to me what was happening and that you should be told. Please forgive me, I love you and just didn’t know how to tell you, you had such high hopes and were being so positive that I wanted to keep you like that because it helped me.” James cupped his face and kissed his tears away.

Q wrapped his arms around James and hugged him tightly.

Q looked up at him. “We are not going to be like Alfred and Oliver are we?” James traced his fingers along Q’s face and he shook his head no. James couldn’t bring himself to say it as he rested his forehead to Q’s. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Be patient, it wont have a horrible ending.


	6. Chapter 6

 

Q was having a hard time coming to terms with losing James before he was ready. Even though they were married now as James had said, Q would be taken care of even if he didn’t want to be. He sat with James as he was given his chemo but he was still angry at James for the lie, but in retrospect he could understand why James did it but he still wasn’t over it.

He looked at James who had his eyes closed, his eyes slowly went over his frame, there was more weight loss and he had dark circles under his eyes. Feeling eyes on him, James opened his and looked at Q, raising his hand and touching his cheek.

“Dex, I want to rent another flat for a while, I don’t want to die in our flat and have you come home every night to it. I don’t want that for you.”

Q just looked at him then shook his head and went back to his laptop.

“Dex I mean it, I won’t have my death haunting our flat. I want you to be able to come home and relax and not think about this being the place I was dying .”

Dex let out a hard sigh and turned his eyes back to him.

“Do you honestly think I give a fuck James, hmmm, I do not give a fuck and I am done talking about all of this?” Q closed his laptop and got up and walked out of the room. James turned and looked out the window and let the tears fall.

About an hour later, James was done with the treatment but Q still hadn’t returned, he slowly got up and looked out into the hallway, Q wasn’t sitting out there either. James got his coat and put it on and slowly walked down the hallway to the reception area and he asked the lady behind the desk if she had seen his partner and she said he had left. 

James thanked her then turned and placed his scarf on and left the clinic. James walked a bit but had to sit down because he became dizzy. A young lady came over and asked him if he was okay. James said he was just a bit dizzy, and if she could get him a taxi; she nodded yes and went to the curb and hailed a taxi and when she turned back to him James was on the concrete passed out.

She quickly ran over and checked his pulse and if he was breathing, a few people who had seen him collapse came out and one was already calling emergency services. They young lady had her coat under James’ head, telling everyone he was breathing but it was shallow. EMT’s showed up and got James onto the gurney and into the ambulance and took him to the ER.

When he woke up about 10 minutes later with two nurses checking his vitals, they smiled when he looked at them.

“Welcome back, how are you feeling, still dizzy any nausea?”

James said no and laid his head back; one of the nurses removed the blood pressure cuff then took his pulse.

“Your Oncologist is on his way Mr. Bond, you gave a few people quite a scare, but thankfully the young lady who was with you was a nurse.”

James smiled, and gave his husbands name and number and if someone could please call him. The nurses looked at each other then back at James.

“We already did, his number was in your wallet, he didn’t answer, but we did leave a message.” One nurse left without saying anything the other wrote down his vitals just as Dr. Highten walked in and took the chart from the nurse, who smiled and stepped out of the curtained area.

“Well James, I think you should be admitted so we can monitor you and keep you safe, we can’t have another dizzy spell happen when you are home or maybe walking down stairs.” He set down the medical file and looked at him.

James just nodded, he wasn’t thinking about his condition he was thinking about Q. Then James started to sweat and become pale. The doctor knew what this was and quickly got a bin for James who began to throw up. Three nurses ran in to tend him and help him through this. The doctor got on his mobile to ring up Q but he didn’t answer so he left a message.

James passed out after retching so they put him in a room and hooked him up to a heart monitor and IV with a solution to settle his stomach. When James woke up a few hours later, he looked around and found he was alone, no Q no one. Is this how he dies he thought, alone? He couldn’t help it he started crying.

 

Q ignored his phone and sat on the couch staring at nothing, he was so pissed off he just left him there at the clinic. He knows James will be livid but he just needed some space and air. He had walked for a while then decided to just come home. He had thought James would be home by now to yell at him for leaving him behind but he hadn’t come home. He heard the buzz of his mobile telling him he had voicemail. Picking up the phone he looked at the missed calls, he listened to them and ran to his coat and keys and left the flat he didn’t even care if he locked it up right.

Hailing a taxi he called Dr. Highten back and was met with a stern voice and a classic chewing out. Q took it all as he was guilty of ignoring his husband when he was needed.

Q finally got to the hospital and was met by angry stares from a few of the nurses, he frowned and walked into James’ room, he was laying silent staring out the window, watching the sun go down.

James turned his head and looked at Q, and it hit Q hard how sad James looked; how bleak his expression was. James lowered his eyes and looked at his hands. Q put down his satchel and sat in the chair next to the bed.

“James, I apologize I should never have left you alone, and I am so sorry, can you please forgive me.” Q reached for James’ hand but he moved it away. Q bit his lip and pulled back his hand.

“You left me, you didn’t even wait for me, you just left me at the clinic, and you know I can’t function too well after a treatment. Why did you leave me, and since you did leave why did you even come see me now?”

James wouldn’t look at him, he was hurting inside and he felt the need to hurt Q as well. Q wanted to cry, he had really let James down when he needed him.

“James, I truly am sorry and I swear I won’t ever do this ever again, I just got angry and needed some air and I was going to go back but I kept walking. The thought of getting another flat just so I wouldn’t come home to the thoughts of you having died in ours angered me. How can you think about me when all this is happening to you, you should be acting selfish but you don’t?” Q let the tears falls.

James looked at him, then back at his hands he was about to speak when a nurse walked in. She smiled and checked his IV, then asked if he wanted anything, James just told her he wanted juice, she smiled and said she would return momentarily.

James turned back to Q, who was wiping his eyes and trying to look unaffected but he was failing. James wanted to touch him and hold him, make him feel safe but he was angry that Q had let him down.

“Dex, since I met you, it’s always been about you, everything I do or have done has always been for you. I don’t care about me, I love you, and it will always be about you till my last breath.” He watched Q get up and thought he was going to leave him but he didn’t he came to the bed and laid his head on James’ lap sobbing. James tentatively laid his hand on Q’s head as he cried.

He could hear Q asking for forgiveness and James lifted his head up and pulled him to him and kissed his lips, tasting his tears. Q gently wrapped his arms around James, resting his face against his neck. The nurse returned and quietly set the juice down and left, neither James nor Q noticed her, they were wrapped up in themselves and each other.

Against his doctor’s wishes, James left the hospital after a month, by that time Q had found a new flat to lease for the remainder of James life, he had it furnished with only the best comfortable couch and bed, and he bought so many books for him to read, spanning all his interests. When James was brought home, he had a nurse with him; they hired a private one to monitor him.

Dr. Highten would come to the flat when needed, once and a while they would go to the park near their other flat and enjoy the park where they were married. It was one sunny almost warm day that they saw Oliver alone on a bench and Q kissed James cheek and walked over to him.

“Good afternoon Oliver, I do hope you are well, where is Alfred?”

Oliver smiled and patted the bench next to him and took his hand in his own.

“My dear Alfred passed two weeks ago Dex, his heart finally gave out but I know he is up there waiting for me and is probably a tab bit miffed that he will have to wait.” Oliver was all smiles because he had been with Alfred a long time and his passing wasn’t as bad as it would be with Q when James passed.

“I am so sorry for your loss, James and I have been so busy and we haven’t been home.” Q stopped talking when he saw that Oliver was looking over at James, he sighed and looked back at Q.

“Go back to him son, he needs you, I had my lifelong love and I do miss him but you need to keep by his side, make memories for yourself to keep you company. It’s all I have now of Alfred but they keep me company and I believe he is with me but I don’t tell many people that, don’t want to be locked up.” He winked at that last remark then chuckled when Q hugged him.

“Thank you Oliver.” Q got up and went back to James and sat down and smiled at James as he put an arm around him, James gave him a kiss on his forehead.

 

Most days James couldn’t leave the flat, he was just too ill; the nurse would be there to administer his medicine and to see that he was comfortable. Q more or less took a complete leave from MI6 deciding he didn’t want to miss a moment with James.

As James slept one day, Q put up a print of the painting by JMW Turner that they had been looking at when they met. He went and sat down on the bed next to James and rested with him. When James woke up a few hours later he smiled seeing the painting.

Q asks him what he sees and James smiles and looks at him then back at the painting.

“I see the beginning of a truly amazing relationship!” James smiled at Q, who leaned down and kisses him. Q slid down in the bed and wrapped himself around James.

 

By the end of each week, James condition got worse and all they could do is make him comfortable. When he couldn’t focus well Q would read to him from any book he chose, when he could eat proper they would in the bed making it a picnic. Eve came by at times as did M, and R, but after a while Eve couldn’t handle it and just couldn’t see him in such a state. M and R eventually stopped coming as well, citing work but they both knew and understood.

It was a cold fall day when James finally passed, Q was reading to him and was holding his hand and when the grip fell, Q knew that he had lost James. He looked over at him and saw that he had a serene look on his face. Q let the tears fall as he leaned down and kissed James forehead. He called all the appropriate people then picked out a grey suit for James to wear; he took James's ring off and placed it in his pocket.

 

At least once a week he would go and visit James, telling him about new double O’s and what was going on with Eve and everyone. It was one year later he told him that Oliver finally joined Alfred and he asked James if they were all up there talking about him.

Q stayed at MI6 for a long time, he had a few relationships after James had died, but nothing quite as good as with James. He did live with one man though and he loved him but he wasn’t James.

His name was William and he was quiet and loving and smart like Q. They had a quiet love nothing as passionate as with James. William was younger than Q.

They stayed together for about 30 years, William knew all about James not because Q compared them or even pushed James at him, but because he asked. He wanted to know about Q’s love and he understood what he kind of relationship he had with him.

Q was in his late 60’s when he became ill; William was with him through all of it and when he knew Q was near dying, when he was sitting with him, he saw him looking at the door to their bedroom and saw a smile on his face.

William knew then that he was seeing James, so he leaned down and whispered to him.

“Go love, he is waiting for you.” William leaned up and saw that Q had indeed passed, he smiled and touched his face and knew that Q was finally truly happy because he was with his 007.

He had made sure that Q was laid to rest next to his one true love.  James.

 

End.


End file.
